something to look forward to

For some odd reason just the thought of going on vacation has motivated me to get things done. I’ve begun packing away winter clothes in the space saver bags, and on the road to getting the laundry done. I’ve been having Alex put the clothes away but I think the next load I’ll put away so as to be able to pick up a bit in each room. Little by little I’ll get everything done. I feel different today than I have in the past few weeks. Not much has changed except for making plans for vacation. I’m really excited to be leaving for awhile…..getting away from everything even just for a few days though this is more than a few –10 actually. I think I just needed something to look towards. Something positive to push me. Well, thats all I did while Tim was gone. Count the days till his leave….till school begins….Halloween….Thanksgiving….Christmas…..ect. I made things to count…..till this paper was due…..kids’ progress reports came home….till doctors appointments..ect. All I did was count. Since Tim has been home, there’s nothing to count. I was counting for him. Now that he was home….why count? But the counting was my coping mechinism ….and I had gotten used to it. Now that there was no counting there’s nothing to look forward to. No future plans….only living from day to day. That really sucks. Day to day is depressing and incredibly routine. Get up, get dressed, go to work, do evals, type, send emails, go home, eat dinner, give baths, watch tv, waste time on computer instead of doing homework, actually do homework, go to bed. In actuality, daily routine of life is quite depressing. I need the counting…..the counting helps me strive for something whether it’s Tim coming home, getting a research paper done, or going on vacation. The counting must return.

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