resentment

My parents are getting divorced. It wouldn’t be so bad, but my mother hasn’t worked for 15 years thus any job skills she used to have will not suffice now. She used to work as a nurse aide, the place she worked closed, she hasn’t worked since. Instead, she stayed home to take care of myself and my two younger brothers. Things did not improve because she was home, things slowly worsened, mom slipped into a depression. If I am honest with myself, I think she is still depressed today. I believe because of this I am a bit angry at my father for overlooking her condition. Instead, he kept pushing my mother off on me something that made me resent my mother for years. I didn’t stop resenting her until my father informed my mother of his affair, girlfriend, and wanting a divorce. At first, I didn’t blame him. The more I helped my mother, the more I realized he created the situation more so than she did. The only thing she did was stay home and be depressed. He was looking for a girlfriend when I was in high school and possibly before. Granted, my mother could have went back to work, instead she stayed in her depression and in the control of my father. I suppose now I am creating an resentment towards my father which is a surprise since I have always been “daddy’s little girl” This is a bit of change for me. I think it’s because I can see the small pieces from my childhood that created this mess. Nobody said or did anything. I could even see pieces as a teen, I did nothing but use it to my advantage to get what I wanted. At that time, I wanted my parents to get divorced. I hated my life….everything about it. I hated my parents because they were the adults but did nothing to improve the situation. Now, I understand a bit why my mother did nothing….she was scared. Scared of what my father would do. Scared that he would take everything, leaving her with nothing.

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